【托福作文批改】26分：信息摘取充分，表达清晰

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作文题目：

作文内容：

The   reading introduces three advantages disadvantages[b1] of buzzers that can be taken to the customers, however, in the   listening, the speaker agrees none of these three points, and he thinks the   reading is misleading.

To begin with, buzzers will   tell the truth to customers. The   buzzers also are customers of the products that they think wellthink   good and really enjoy. Therefore, companies will find the people   who have used their products and actually reckon their products are great[b2]  to be a buzzer. Thus,   the buzzers will not tell lies to customers, even though they will be paid by   companies. What the speaker says, undoubtedly, contradicts the point made in   the reading that the buzzers will not tell the truth to customers.

Additionally, the speaker says   that people will not totally believe them. Instead, they will ask them a lot of questions, for example, the   prices, services and how long the buzzers have used, and if they cannot give   good answers, people will not buy the products. The speaker"s statement,   therefore, is a sharp contrast to the point made in the reading claiming that   the customers will completely believe the buzzers and do not have critical   thinking.

Finally, the speaker further   explains that buzzersbuzzingwill   not make   people have less trust for each otherdestroy the civilization. Companies employ the buzzers just when their products are wonderfulworthyofpromotion,   and if not, they cannot find the buzzerssince the buzzers have   used their products and really think the products of companies are perfect,   hencewhoareactually   previouscustomers thinkinghighly   of the products.As a   result, if customers accept the products which the buzzers   promote to them, and then they will have a good experience. Thus, they will beend up   beingmore trustful and open to others. The reading, in   contrast, indicates that the buzzers will cause crisis of confidence to   people. The speaker, obviously, refutes the reading in that way.

 [b1]这种观点句中的关键词要避免出错

 [b2]appropriate合适的，convictive 有说服力的，cogent 令人信服的

各项细评：

针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议：

1）这篇综合写作比较简单，你写的也不错，信息摘取充分，表达也比较清晰。给你批改上一篇综合写作时说到的一个问题，分论点要独立，不要和后面的论据杂糅在一起，这一次做得很好，我标黄的三个分论点摘取地非常好非常清晰，要继续保持！

2）语言表达要更精进

给出解决方案： 语言表达修改的建议已经在原文中修订出来了，也可以参考一下范文，总的来说很不错：）继续加油！

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