40多岁未结婚的俞飞鸿 究竟有什么错？(4)

She added that her parents feel humiliated that their only daughter is unmarried at such a ripe age. "They don"t like to attend any family gatherings or homecoming events anymore, as their peers always brag about having grandchildren, which makes them lose face."

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她补充道，她的父母也因此感到蒙羞，因为他们唯一的女儿还没有结婚。“爸妈现在不喜欢参加任何家庭聚会或其他聚餐，因为他们的同龄人总是吹嘘自己的孙子，这让我爸妈觉得丢他们的脸。”

Likewise, another friend of mine, also in her late 30s, said her 40-something Chinese boyfriend broke up with her because he thought she had become "too old" to get pregnant. Because of this breakup, she started to question her value as a romantic partner, believing that no other Chinese men will ever love and accept her at her age.

同样的，我的另一个朋友，也在她30多岁的时候，告诉我她40多岁的男朋友和她分手了，理由是他认为她已经“太老”，不能怀孕。也因为这次分手，她开始质疑自己在爱情中的价值，在她这个年纪，是否会有中国男人真正地爱她，接受她。

I myself am in my late-20s and am also beginning to feel the pressures and limitations that society places on us. Due to the constant pressure by family to get married, single Chinese women like me generally have less time to explore (and fail at) gender relations than our male counterparts, which is all part of the learning process that is supposed to make us more experienced, well-rounded lovers.

我自己也快30了，开始感觉到社会对我们施加在这方面的压力。由于来自大家长不断地施加压力，跟男性相比，像我这样的单身中国女性通常没有多少时间去探索去思考类似的性别关系。探索的过程其实是恋爱婚姻学习的一部分，这也许会让我们成为更有经验、不再扁平化的恋人。

Meanwhile, men my age are free to play the dating field as they wish, with little or no pressure placed on them from relatives, workplace or society.

同时，与我年纪相仿的男性却可以随心所欲地浪，他们的家庭、工作或社会在这方面对他们几乎没有施加压力。

Our choices of who we want to meet, date and possibly marry also become more limited the older we become. Once we turn 30, even in big cities like Shanghai and Beijing, mature women are no longer considered "top shelf." Most men will automatically ignore us in favor of women in their 20s.